I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
