I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
