just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
