hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I touched a dick in church today
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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