Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize