When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
