it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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