chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
