I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
