Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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