Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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