Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You are a genius and a whore.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
