Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
