I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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