"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
