Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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