We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
