dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Randomize
