your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
