Your dad touched me again.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
