I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
