yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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