Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
