Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
