Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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