I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
