Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
