stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
