And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize