tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just gift wrapped bread.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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