I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
