just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize