a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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