I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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