I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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