he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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