Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
