everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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