EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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