I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
