So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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