so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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