Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
