A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
