matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize