i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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