hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
