I'll bet she douches with gravy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
