There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
