I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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