y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
