maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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