After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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