In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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