why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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