Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
