Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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