She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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