I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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