On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
