Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
