Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
