I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
